OK this is mommy taking over the blog to vent the frustrating week I have had. First, and most importantly everyone is totally OK and no I didn't make any of the following up and you'll see how I got the blog title later.
HERE IT GOES..........
Wednesday:
arrive home from Branson decided to mow our 8 foot high yard thanks to being gone and the rain IKE brought, as soon as, Tucker gets home from school and Jaycie napped (sidenote yes Tucker does ride the mower with me and drives, hey I did it as a kid and look at me i'm fine!) So Tucker hops off the bus and comes running up the road to get on the mower with me and we begin mowing the jungle....Anyway we have lived at beautiful Justin Dr for over a year now and pretty much nobody is ever outside around us because no body lives up here but, on this particularly beautiful day in September that I decide to mow, I would say with the 2 houses going up next to us about 12 men were outside doing various work from laying gas lines to laying bricks and Tucker and I proceeded to mow the yard. no big deal. When first pass across the front lawn out of no where the mower decides it can't take it anymore and it lets the biggest exploding fart I have ever heard proceeded by a billowing plume of black smoke so theres no denying where the sound came from, to which all dozen of the men around turned to look at me and see what the "H" had just happened. Well I take that back it took the gas guy a few seconds to first send up a prayer thanking God it was not the line he was working on that had caused the explosion. Anyway after everyone saw we were alright, that it wasn't due to the gas guy, and we weren't under attack, they all got a big laugh at my expense and I realized I will no longer be stepping out my front door until the 2 houses are finished due to the soon to go down in Coon family history "lawn mower incident"!
I then soon learned I had "blown a piston mam, and the gear shaft she don't look good has your husband checked the oil lately?" "uhhhhh no but, I have" that threw him for a curve ball but, sadly explained everything to him at the same time (still from the women can't do a mans job think tank and thinks I ruined my husbands mower by the way, thanks "dirty guy" that ran up the hill to check on me) So basically, for the rest of the fall I am just going to direct people to my house as the one with the big bowling alley strip mowed out across the front yard and a big black spot at the end of it! "can't miss it" All while only stepping out the door to get the mail late at night when everyone has gone home. And to the dozen men who turned to look don't worry us dumb farm girls don't mow our lawn we just blow the grass up at the roots.....lasts longer that way.....................so you can quit talking errr laughing about me now because I meant for it all to happen, yeah thats my story and I'm stickin to it.
OK next thing
Thursday
Kids have become tired of each other all ready and the fighting after not seeing each other for a week resumes in less than 24 hours! So I decide I have got to do something before I go crazy and it was the laundry from the trip and I needed laundry soap so, I put the monsters in the SUV and head to the Heyworth Dollar General for a quick bottle of Tide that ended up costing me $253 and an earful. yes thats right $253.........$3 for the Tide and $250 to our deductable! (earful comes in later)You see in Heyworth people don't believe in parking lot lines I have learned and randomly park their cars in the middle of the lot I was in the front row "put her in reverse" got distracted yelling at my fighting kids to stop fighting and nailed the lone unoccupied parking lot car!
Now, heres the part where I earned my wings.....you see absolutely no one was around or saw what I had just done, I mean its Heyworth they were all downtown talking about the day after school let out right now, and I couldn't see any "bad" damage on the other car and I could have very easily went on my own merry way and played the "did I do that???" stupid card but, I didn't, I did the right thing and unloaded the fighting monsters(who were dead silent now) and went into the dollar general and asked who the lone 1982 buick regal belonged to and of course it was (because I didn't know her name at the moment so I made one up in my mind when I saw her) "Bertha", (sigh)
Ok Here's where my earful I bought comes in
Me:
"mam I am so sorry but, I have just backed into your car and it looks like I have scratched it and cracked your light I want to give you my insurance information and get yours to take care of it"
Bertha:
(still surrounded by a plume of smoke from her last cigarette break): "awwww s*#t I've had a h*&L of a week what the h#$L were you doing?" proceeds to march out to the car.....I follow with the kids (still completely silent with eyes the size of silver dollars taking this whole thing in and probably thinking "dude mom you should have just put'er in gear and floored it outta here") all the while hearing why I was dumber than the dumbest idiot she has ever met and should have never been given a license if I can't even back out of a parking lot, right along with every cuss word known to man at least 3 times! (sidenote: the kids were terrified of this lady at this point and absolutely silent and trying to stay out of sight so she wouldn't direct her smoke at them) Well, long story short she lit a cigarette and calmed down enought to give me her info. and I gave her mine and left.
And so now, that I can't go out in my yard for the next forseeable future due to the "lawn mower incident" on Wednesday and the guys working on the houses, I can also no longer show my face in dollar general uptown when I see the dredded 1982 buick with a broken headlight in the middle of the lot or "Bertha" might decide to kick my a$$ this time. This is a problem when you live in a small town because that basically leaves me with visiting IGA and the Legion all winter.
Now too today FRIDAY and how I got the title of this blog:
My sweet little 2 year old girl (along with her brother) has not stopped talking about "the mower incident" but, especially the "Wreck" we had (including Bertha who they think is going to yell at Mommy again if we ever go back to dollar general) and first chance she got she had to tell her daddy about it heres how that went:
Jaycie: "mommy wreck"
Daddy: "Really are ya ok did it scare you?"
Jayce: "No, I not ok I hurt my neck!"
WHAT????
Great now I am waiting for the lawsuit papers from my 2 year old daughter for giving her whiplash. You can't make this stuff up!
oh but it gets better
You see I have fast learned that when you send your child to school nothing that "happens in the family stays in the family" it goes right out the front door and on the bus with them
so this is too Tuckers bus driver and his Teachers 1)no the mower didn't really "blow up" and 2) it wasn't a "wreck" per say just a little ding in the parking lot and 3)I'm sorry about all the colorful new words Tucker learned this week but,blame Bertha for that not me. So don't call me about it!
Well this is for all to enjoy at my expense, all of Heyworth is talking about the crazy lady, "who doesn't check her lawn mower oil right", up on the hill at Justin Dr. figured you might as well get some enjoyment from it too.
Papa Randy told me things come in 3's so, if thats true stay tuned for the third installment, I have no shame at this point, I will share it with you as well.
Staying inside the house all Weekend,
The Coonkids Mommy
No comments:
Post a Comment